Event organizers shield the scene where the Russian contestant Vladimir Ladyzhenskiy died

Many of us have grown awfully tired of hearing the international community deride Americans. Just deriding our own, as many of us do when acting as faithful stewards to protect our beloved motherland from the evils of ignorance and apathy, is tiring enough. The last thing we want to hear is some foreign media outlet calling us stupid, or lazy, or fat, or any of the derogatory remarks we mostly agree to call ourselves – It’s a human thing; the right to call ourselves what we want while outsiders are not allowed to. So when members of the international community (I guess it’s p.c. for “foreigners”) makes our dumbest look somewhat intelligent, well… I guess it gives us a reason to smile, point fingers, and do that taboo name-calling thing, like the way I’m choosing to call Russian Vladimir Ladyzhenskiy and Finland’s own Timo Kaukonen a couple of morons.

The two were the finallists in the World Sauna Championships – an annual contest in Heinola, Finland where contestants endure rising temperatures for as long as possible. In front of a crowd of over 1,000 spectators the two were inside of the 230 degree sauna for 6 minutes when Ladyzhenskiy collapsed. The heated booth, where water is poured onto the stove every thirty seconds for as long as needed to claim a winner, was rushed by event organizers. Kaukonen, despite getting sick, refused to leave the sauna and had to be forcefully removed, whereas Ladyzhenskiy died shortly after. Kaukonen was rushed to the hospital where he was treated for severe burns and was listed in stable condition. 

Hakon Eikesdal, a photographer with the Norwegian daily Dagbladet, said it appeared the two men were bleeding from heat blisters in various parts of their bodies. Oddly enough, in Finland where hanging aboout in sauna’s is one of the country’s favorite pasttimes, sweltering in 230 degree heat is quite common.”I know this is very hard to understand to people outside Finland who are not familiar with the sauna habit,” the event spokesman Ossi Arvela said. “It is not so unusual to have 110 degrees (230 Farenheit) in a sauna. A lot of competitors before have sat in higher temperatures than that.”

Perhaps the best news that has come from this came from Arvela, when he claimed that the contest has been held since 1999, and ”… it will never be held again.”

Photo Courtesy of Marcel Marchon

Phil Pagano, the Chief Executive of Chicago’s rail system, Metra, committed suicide this morning when he stepped in front of one of his company’s own commuter trains.

Only one week after the start of an investigation into a $56,000 bonus he received on top of his $260,000 salary, the executive director for 20 years took his life in a manner that would make Franz Kafka’s Officer in his classic “In the Penal Colony” smirk.

Friday morning’s “emergency meeting”, in which his investigation was to be discussed, was cancelled by Metra executives shortly after his body was identified.

It seems that recent research in the health benefits of basic food is proving to be miraculous in a homeopathic sense. With the consumption of coffee being promoted for its antioxidant benefits, red wine for its benefits in preventing LDL cholesterol, and Flax seed for it’s high content of omega 3 fatty acids, scientists have now discovered that when it comes to tomatoes its benefits depend on how it’s prepared.

Click here to read why your grandmother’s spaghetti sauce was not as good as my Sun’s.

If Bill Gates had found his way into the popcorn industry he might’ve failed miserably in life. A mind like his is too complicated for something so simplistic. Likewise, if Donald Trump were to design space suits there would probably be a bunch of dead astronauts floating around. Sure, he has business savvy but he’s not really the “tech-brained” type. Similarily, priests and pastors and other “folk of the cloth” should probably stick to what they know instead of entering into a ballgame they have no part in.

Michael Pfleger, Chicago’s “Renegade Priest” felt the need to promote Barack Obama by slamming Hillary Clinton, making this the second time Obama has to put down a religious leader during this campaign. After making a racial mockery of Clinton, Pfleger came around to apologize for his remarks, but only after the media swallowed it up and spit it out to the public with Obama attached to the remark as if he said it himself.

Click here to read why priests should stick to teaching mythology, and stay out of D.C. politics.